ELT course books that will never get published

Here’s my list of  EFL courseboks that will never get published.

1. GunPoint – A new pre-intermediate course book dealing with all aspects of international criminal English. 10 hard hitting chapters cover vital criminal skills such as extortion, weapon vocabulary, hacking, robbery and how to deal with police interrogation. The free DVD contains twenty of cinema’s finest criminal moments from movies like The Godfather and Pulp Fiction. A must for any gangster who needs to communicate in English.

2. Hat Trick – International football player English, includes comprehensive swearing index. Specialist chapters deal with telling lies to your partner, having a diva strop like a man and advanced press conference skills.

3. Spirit Level – Builder’s English including a pull-out section on dirty jokes and chapters on how to avoid paying tax.

4. Pick Up – how to attract and pick up member of the opposite sex in English. Includes a section on body language and social etiquette. Also including a large selection of chat-up lines, idioms and

5. Boiling Point– all aspects of cookery, equipment and brutal swearing included in this intermediate course for English learners with an interest in the kitchen

6. Darling! I love it! – An intermediate course book for English learners who need to know everything about the fashion industry with sections on substance abuse, catfights, bitchy gossip and frocks.

7. International Geek English – for those learners who need to be able to discuss physics, comics and the combat system for the 4th edition of dungeons and dragons. This course book includes how to use the Socratic method of discussion, witty put-downs and search engine techniques containing Boolean logic.

8. Cheers! – Drinking English. From the earthy, base language of the backstreet public house to the refined, gentile prose of the English country pub, this three-part course book covers what to say in almost every type of drinking establishment in the world, with chapters on anecdotes, pretending to be interested and how to deal with hangovers.


Any more ideas?



  1. How about ‘RIOTS’ – a comprehensive guide to causing mayhem, with separate modules dealing with (1) political protest (with a how to section on how to get your iPhone video on Al-Jazeera), (2) sport (inside and outside stadiums, reactions to the failure of your sports team (local or national) and (3) riots-as-a-cover-for-looting, where the reading texts are all designer labels in smart clothing shops.

    Lots of role-play activity, showing how to appear completely ignorant of what a police officer is asking you.

  2. HA! Excellent post! A possible addition may be something on the politics of rising the ranks in business, kissing-ass, stealing credit, and manipulating co-workers. How horrible.

  3. Put Down – an intermediate ESL course aimed at the ‘non native wives’ market. This course contains an extensive range of exercises that will both enable and empower the student to truly put her partner in his place.

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